A year or so into our journey, one wet Saturday morning, my son and I sat in the waiting room of his psychiatrist, ambling aimlessly through our phones, waiting calmly, easily.
A mum who looked my age, who looked like me rushed into the waiting room cheerfully – this was their “first appointment” she told the clinic receptionist and they’d had an “early start”. They’d left at 6am and it was all a bit of a rush and a longer drive than they’d expected, she told the receptionist. As she filled the quiet room with her chatter, her teenage son stood silently alongside. He’d also had an early start, had had to be ready to leave at 6am and had sat in the car for longer than expected. Heading to an appointment about him, for him.
I understood what this must have taken her and guessed what this must have taken him. I’ve been that Mum. Overcompensating for quiet with noise, protecting vulnerableness with cheerfulness. Jollying everyone along.
She’d left the doctors referral behind in the car, she was so sorry, she promised she’d quickly dash back to get it. Her son sat silently waiting as his mum who’d filled the car with reassurance now murmured gently and encouragingly to him.
I reached out to her with my eyes. I see you. You’ve got him here. You are here. Exhale.
As a parent or caregiver simply starting the process of finding the right support can be the biggest hurdle. It’s acknowledging the reality of a situation, its deviating from the path. And behind every silent son or over-cheerful mum in a waiting room is a battleground littered with the chaos it’s taken to get to this point of seeking help.
Taking the first steps down a road you don’t expect to go means recalibrating and pivoting swiftly, promising yourselves you’ll deal with ‘you’ later. But for now, you will walk over coals and do whatever it takes to find the right support, and the right people to give your child what they need.
I saw hope in that mum’s eyes, I saw relief, I saw anticipation of what’s to come and I saw grit. We’ve all got it, even if we don’t know it yet.
Anonymous for The Village Northern Beaches
